Sunday, June 24, 2012

Annoying Things

Watch this Corona Light Commercial

Corona's slogan is "Find your beach" or some shit. So this group of people are attending a concert and thought "you know, it sucks with all these other people around, I wish we were all alone at a beach". If you don't want to see other people, why are you at a club? Why does holding a corona make you zone out and ignore everyone? Mind Boggled!

I cant find a sound bite of it anywhere, but there is a radio commercial for Twisted Tea where a girl is talking in a breathy voice that is supposed to emulate Katherine Hepburn but comes off as more like "high school girl in drama club trying to sound mysterious". The word "tea" appears every four syllables, and at one point she says "but you need a little kick" the same way a condescending babysitter might offer gramcrackers to a sixteen year old. Unlike the corona commercial which is just confusing, this one outright infuriates me. I will never buy or consume Twisted Tea, and I urge you to do the same.

I don't like it when I'm driving and someone starts tailgating me. I always use cruise control, and when someone gets right on my butt I decelerate one mile at a time until I am satisfied that they have been sufficiently annoyed.

Except for this unquestionable bad-ass and Freddie Mercury, NO GUY should ever sing falsetto. It reminds me of the leader of the knights who say "Ni!" when he commands Arthur to chop down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a... herring! The dude is trying to sound as silly and ridiculous as possible so what does he do? Goes into falsetto! And yet some male singers do this on purpose, while trying to sound sexy? No. Stop. Allow your balls to drop down where they belong.

While I've been writing this I've been syncing my Cd's to itunes so I can put them on my phone. Needle decided the best way to assist me was to lay all over my shit. Cats are awesome. Its my favorite when they chew through your brand new phone charging cable and then poop in your clean laundry.

Check out The Best Page in the Universe. The guy only updates once every few months but there are posts going back like 8 years, and he is pretty funny.


  1. Good shit dude
    Now that you've got iTunes installed , which by the way completely sucks but you won't notice and write a scathing blog about it because you've probably never bothered with music management software before anyway and won't know the difference, remind me to show you how to make your own ringtones.

    I would have enjoyed that blog, too

  2. Dude the Twisted Tea chick is hot!

  3. merit is just suffering from jack off itis

  4. I agree about the Twisted Tea voice-over girl. Utterly obnoxious. And I haven't had one since, either.